Michael Eriksson's Blog

A Swede in Germany

An absolutely awful marriage story

with 4 comments

A few weeks ago, I encountered an an absolutely awful marriage storye. In fact, one that almost made me feel sick—but which the blog author absurdly proclaimed to be “great”. (From context it is not clear whether she also was the author of the story or merely a spreader of it. Either way, seeing it as great requires a near complete lack of perspective and insight.)

At the time, I left a comment explaining why it was awful. Having just noticed that this comment has been arbitrarily censored (the more in need of a comment a post is, the greater the risk of censorship, as I have noticed over the last year), I try to recreate the gist here:

  1. The woman has an entirely unrealistic and unreasonable view of what marriage and love is.

  2. She is about to throw away her promise of “until death us depart; for better and worse” based on what appears to be mere boredom.

  3. Instead of constructively discussing her issues with her husband, she waits until she has given up hope of him spontaneously changing—and then springs divorce upon him.

  4. She requires of him, in order that he proves himself worthy of the second chance he requested, that he consider his own life worth less than her (hypothetical) whim of having a particular flower. This is something that is, frankly, inexcusable: A wife may have the right that her husband risks his life to save hers (and vice versa!), but under no circumstances that it is sacrificed for a whim.

    Besides, any man who agreed to even the hypothetical situation would afterwards be in an impossible situation: How can he later refuse to buy her jewelry for a mere few hundred dollars at her asking? To take out the garbage in the middle of a Superbowl game? To letting her unilaterally decide where every single vacation is to be held? … That the man still wanted her after hearing this demand is hard to fathom—better divorced than living with such a self-centered bitch.

  5. While he declines, he does give an extremely cheese explanation for why he declines—and this explanation proves her earlier dissatisfaction to have been very, very unfair. In effect, she was about to throw away a far more wife-friendly husband than most women ever have—and one that she gave no signs of deserving.

To make matters worse, there are many elements of this story that are reminiscent of the bad marriage experiences I have heard men tell from real life, including that problems are not brought to their attention, that unrealistic expectations are raised, and that they are faced with a divorce out of nowhere and without the wife reflecting on what a marriage actually implies.

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Written by michaeleriksson

June 23, 2011 at 4:42 pm

4 Responses

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  1. Right, in all due respect… it’s just a story, I don’t see why you’re making such a big deal about it. And no, I did not write it, I posted it because I liked it like almost everything on my blog, I basically just share stuff. Also I’ll have you know I mainly shared it because I liked the man’s response in it. I mean, write what you want about it and have your opinions, sure… so you didn’t like my post? As I said I don’t see why make a big deal out of it.

    rubyjazz37

    June 24, 2011 at 2:04 am

    • I am not certain that I am making a big deal of this issue: One of the main areas of my writing is to point out various stupidities of the world. The story in question displays several of these, including an extremely ego-centrical view that I have seen a number of women display in e.g. relationship forums, blogs, and online diaries—and a very destructive view at that. I am currently contemplating writing a blog entry expanding on that topic.

      Obviously (to those who have read this blog), arbitrary and unwarranted censorship is a good way to get on my wrong side.

      michaeleriksson

      June 24, 2011 at 6:03 pm

  2. This story seems made-up, a fable, you know? I mean, it’s just so absurd that it can’t be real. Yes, I grant that it appeared to start out as a foolish woman might do — throw away a relationship out of boredom — but the “will you pick me a flower even though you will die” part is too ridiculous. And then the cheesy note, as you say, is unbelievable, plus he is then standing right outside the door exactly at the moment she finishes reading, etc. In fact, it almost seems as though it could have been written by a man warning women not to be so stupid as to overlook the solid qualities a reliable partner brings, like fixing the computer or buying the groceries, in favor of endless “excitement.” Of course there are foolish wives who discard good men and then complain there aren’t any, but then one would have to question the men’s judgment for choosing these women in the first place, right? When a husband turns out to be horrible, a wife is often asked what she ever saw in that guy.

    Paula

    June 24, 2011 at 4:21 am

    • Almost certainly fiction, that much is clear. Your angle about “written by a man warning women not to be so stupid as to overlook the solid qualities a reliable partner brings” is interesting—I originally assumed that it was “pornography for women” of the more one-sided and lacking-in-perspective kind.

      michaeleriksson

      June 24, 2011 at 5:58 pm


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